10 "Must Haves" for Spring

Today's post is inspired by MamaKat 's writer's workshop prompt, "Share 10 'Must Haves' for Spring"

When I first saw this prompt, my mind immediately went to flip-flops, bikini's, ect. Yeah, yeah...who doesn't need those. The more I thought about it though, the more I decided that my "must haves" for this spring are less on the consumer side of things. The list is a bit random, but you really shouldn't expect anything else.

So here they are... My 10 "Must Haves" for Spring (in no particular order)

#1. Motivation. This winter (and recent events in my life) have killed my motivation. I always battle the winter blahs and this year has been worse. Once this craptastic weather breaks, I need to get my butt in gear and get back to living.

#2. Forgiveness. I need to forgive him and myself. I could write a book on this one thing alone.

#3. Trust. Something tells me that this isn't something that I can just pick up at the local Wal-Mart and I am guessing that it isn't something I will have by the end of Spring. However, I will start trying. I honestly don't know if I will ever be able to trust a man again, not completely. Not only that, but I am beginning to wonder if I will ever be able to trust myself again. Trust myself to make good decisions, trust myself to truly see what is in front of my face, trust myself to be able to make it as a single mom.

#4. Snuggles. Who doesn't need some good snuggling? It's one of those often taken for granted things you have in a relationship. A good movie is so much better when you have someone to lean on and cuddle with. I hear you can find this on craigslist, but that's just way too creepy. I'll stick with my puppy for now.

#5. $1 million dollars. Yeah I know, money can't buy happiness. Probably true, but in the name of science, I would really like to test this theory. No? Well this is my damn list, so shut it.

#6. Common Sense. No, not for me. I already have some. What I would like, is to have a bag full of it so I could pass it out to the hordes of people who are severely lacking it. Holy shit, they are everywhere and I really would like to have a nice spring where I don't have to deal with moronic dipshits.

#7. Sex. Don't judge me. I'm in my 30's and maybe I'm a bit bitter and jaded, but that doesn't mean I don't have a damn pulse.

#8. A clone. I've only been a single working mom for 5 months and it's hard work. I could seriously benefit from having another one of me to help with the load.

#9. Nap-time. I would love to have a 2 or 3 hour nap-time everyday. You know, one without interruptions. I could even multi-task and nap while tanning...two birds, one stone.

#10. Screw it, I'm adding flip-flops to the list. I know I said I was staying away from the typical consumer list, but I DO need a good pair of flip-flops.

Over-imagination and my 4:00am Visitor

I'll admit it up front...I'm kind of a chicken. I hate being alone at night. Ever since I was a little girl, I hated being alone at night. Every creak and noise caused me to freeze in my bed, terrified of what was lurking just outside my door. I never really outgrew it.

Over the past few months I have been adjusting quite well to living without another adult in the household. I have been able to sleep at night, haven't gotten scared and pretty much have started to feel a little bit like a bad ass.

Until last night.

Last night it stormed. A lot. The daughter and I drove home late from a friend's house and it was just an eerie sort of night. Lots of thunder and lightening and creepy, patchy fog. We got home a little after ten and the house was dark. I don't mind storms, but I HATE coming home to a dark house. Hate it. The wee one hates thunder more than I hate dark houses. It reduces her to a quivering, scared little mouse. Needless to say, we both ended up in my bed. Her cowering under the covers and me trying to soothe her and play protector from the angry skies.

I must have been pretty convincing because it didn't take long for her to fall asleep. I curled up beside her with a book and waited for sleep to overtake me.

It wasn't happening.

I couldn't fall asleep. I don't know if it was the change in temperature or the moisture, but my house was creaking like an eighty year old's joints. It sounded like people were walking all over outside my door. I KNEW that it was just house noises. I KNEW this. Yet for some reason, fear and irrational thought overtook me and I found myself with the covers up to my chin, eyes wide open, almost paralyzed in fear. This went on for hours. I just couldn't turn it off and even worse, the longer I lay there, the worse the fear got. So I did what any self-respecting, bad ass girl would do.

I called my daddy.

Like a 7 year old needing someone to check under the bed and in the closet. I know, pathetic right? Don't answer....I know.

But you know what? He came and everything was fine (which logically, I knew). Was he mad that I woke him up at some insane hour? Not at all. He even insisted of sleeping on my couch the rest of the night so I could get some sleep. Now granted he lives next door, so I didn't drag him from far away, but it was 4am and I am sure that it wasn't on the top of his list of things to do.

So today I am feeling a little sleep deprived, embarassed and a whole lot less like a bad ass, but I am feeling very lucky and very loved. Even so, next time I'll just leave more lights on.

The Back Story

I'm not even sure where to begin. I started this blog shortly after getting married. I've talked about my hubby, his kids from his first marriage and then about the arrival of our own daughter (along with all kinds of other random stuff). Then life happened. I got busy. I got wrapped up in my life and quit blogging. I was raising three kids, working full time and trying to do all the other things in life that we all do. During that time, things got kinda rough around here. Hubby bounced from job to job. Money was tight, but there was always a wealth of stress to go around. I don't know when the marriage fell apart, but if I am brutally honest I guess the problems were there from the beginning, I just didn't want to see them. On the outside we looked like the perfect family; nice house, cute kids and oh so in love. Eh, how the mind can deceive.

Looking back there were always signs. Signs I subconsciously chose to ignore. Sometimes I feel like I was in a fantasy world where nothing was real. I have always been a glass half full kind of girl and now I just feel dumb. I mean some of the signs were BIG. In flashing neon.

Without going into more detail then you need or want to know, here's how it all played out in the end. In October 2010, I found out that hubby cheated on me. With someone I know. 10+ years our junior. I left that night with my daughter to stay with a friend. When I couldn't get a hold of him on his phone the next day, I sent my friend's hubby (also my hubby's best friend) to go talk to him. What he found was something no one should have to find.

Now I am left trying to muddle through the hand I've been dealt. It's been almost 5 months and I am starting to feel like I am coming out of the fog. Not completely, but at least it is a start. I can't explain the roller coaster of emotions I have on a daily basis. Everyone deals with loss and every one's experience is unique, but I haven't been able to find anyone who has been through something like this. I know they are out there, but I haven't come across them yet. I'd like to though.

I think I'll leave it at that for now. I just thought you should know some history to be able to fully understand upcoming posts. Don't fret though...I am not all gloom and doom. Like I said, I am starting to get my life back together. And even though a part of me feels hurt and jaded, I think I am still a glass half full kind of girl at heart. My posts are not all going to center around this event in my life. I want it to be about moving forward and finding myself again. Me as a whole and not as someone else's half. I want to post about the good stuff in life; the funny and the ridiculous; the stuff that pisses me off. (and as I venture back into the murky dating waters again, I am sure that I will have plenty of material)

Changed My Mind

Well, I was planning on starting a new blog but I spent two hours trying to come up with a name for it and got nowhere. I decided that there isn't really any reason to start over. I edited this one a bit and will just start adding to this one. What can I say? I'm lazy.

If you've been here before, you know that I am pretty random with my posts. I usually just write whatever happens to be bouncing around in my head. I MAY try to be a little more organized this time around...then again, probably not. I try to write fun or thought provoking posts and in the past I have tried not to make my posts too "diary" like. I think that may change a bit. Recent events in my life have been pretty dramatic. I've been faced with things I never thought I would experience and I think I need to share them here. I hope you will hang around and give me a chance.

Check back soon for my next post...

New Venture

Just a quick post....

My life has been turned upside down by recent events...I am going to start a new blog very soon...I am hoping my former followers will check out the new blog as soon as I have it up and running. Check back soon for details.

Dear Obama

***Disclaimer****

This was emailed to me. It is a forward and I don't know where it originated, but it is damn funny....and sadly true.


Dear President Obama,

I wish to thank you for helping my neighbors with their mortgage payments. You know the one's down the street that in the good times refinanced their house several times and bought SUV's, ATV's, RV"s, a pool, a big screen, two Wave Runners and a Harley. But I was wondering, since I am paying my mortgage and theirs, could you arrange for me to borrow the Harley now and then?

P.S. They also need help with their credit cards, when do you want me to start making those payments?

P.P.S. I almost forgot - they didn't file their income tax return this year. Should I go ahead and file for them or will you be appointing them to cabinet posts?

My battle With Public School...Act One, Scene One

As many of you know I've been frustrated with our public school system for some time. Today I was at Mackenzie's school as a parent helper and happened to get a chance to sit down with the principal for a few minutes to discuss some of my concerns. After our meeting she emailed the teacher I had some issues with and that teacher called me in to discuss it. I met with her and we had a good conversation that basically ended in us respectfully disagreeing. She called me later and told me that she had emailed the principal back with the results of our discussion and then the principle emailed her back with some things. She wanted to clear up some points and informed me that she would be emailing the principal back and she would copy that email to me. Well, she ended up sending me the entire back and forth emails between the two of them. I was annoyed that the whole high school nature of the emails and decided to respond in an email sent to both of them. I thought I would share all the email fun with you guys! Let me know what you think!

Here is the first email from the principal (Kitty) to the teacher (Deb):


Deb,

Mrs. Tiffany Dxxxx stopped in today. She would like to meet with you. She is concerned because she feels that the standards have dropped in your classroom. She gave specific examples such as the journal does not have to be completed any longer and that students do not have to complete the agenda book. Please call her at XXX-XXXX. She would like to meet with you any day after 12:30.

Kitty

Email #2


Kitty,
Thank you for the information. I meet with Mrs. Dxxxx after school today. We had a pleasant conversation regarding the changes in expectations for daily journal writing and signed agenda books. She expressed that although she has certain expectations for Mackenzie, she understands given the reasons I shared.
Mrs. Dxxxx also shared that she went to talk with you, instead of myself, because she wanted to express her frustrations with the school, as a whole.

~Deb~

Email #3
Deb,

When Mrs. Dxxxx entered the main office she explained that she did not know with whom she should talk. Mrs. Shumaker ushered her into my office. In her conversation with me, Mrs. Dxxxx did not express any concerns with any other teacher or school items with the exception of your classroom. She shared other parents have come to speak with you and they did not feel that you heard their concerns.

Kitty

Email #4


Kitty,

I just got off the phone with Mrs. Dxxxx and I am courtesy copying her in this correspondence. Mrs. Dxxxx shared that today she walked into the office for the purpose of scheduling an appointment. She found out that you had 10 minutes or so and shared with you at that time that she probably should have had conversation with me first. She did not feel that she probably had sufficient time to "get her thoughts together." She confirmed that she gave specific examples of changes in the classroom, but maybe you "just didn't get" that she had concerns about the school and with other staff. She did not confirm your statement that "other parents have come to speak with...[me]...and did not feel that...[I] heard their concerns."

~Deb~

And here is my reply with I emailed to both the teacher and the principal.


Mrs. Zxxxxx & Mrs. Hxxxxxx,

I do not wish to engage in a "he said, she said" kind of discussing. I am sorry for any confusion. I will address my thoughts to both of you in this email so we are all on the same page. First of all, my concerns are with the overall education system that we have experienced, but the issues I have discussed with both of you from Mrs. Hxxxxx's class are specific examples. I am not trying to assign blame, rather I am trying to point out areas that I feel need changed or improved upon.

I am disappointed with the expectations for my (step) daughter. At the beginning of the school year, I was satisfied that the work level and the classroom structure established was appropriate and that the level of communication would be high. I was very pleased with the way the agenda book was to be handled. My step-daughter is very bright, but we are continually battling with her responsibility and communication skills. I was relieved to know that both the teacher and I would be required to sign the agenda book daily so that I would know if she was missing work or having trouble in any areas. I was also happy with the nightly required reading and journal entries. There was also to be a small amount of take-home homework each week that could be expected. In the beginning of the year she was managing her time with these assignments because she knew they were required. Now that all of these things have been dropped as requirements, she complains that I make her do them anyway when they aren't graded or counted for credit. I feel that these are important or they wouldn't have been started in the first place.

It is my understanding that there are some students whose parents do not help them at home and that because they cannot meet the requirements (through no fault of their own) the requirements have been dropped. While I understand this, what it means for my child is that the expectations for her have been lowered. I realize that there is no perfect solution that works for the entire student body. My concern with the education system as a whole is that as the standards are continually lowered to make every child able to succeed in every situation, the students are no longer challenged. Why can't exceptions for those students without parental support be made instead of changing(lowering) the expectations of ALL the students? Why not require the students to read nightly and fill out a reading log without parent signatures? This way the requirements and expectations are put on the heads of the students without relying on the parents. Those students without parental support are going to have to do homework someday, why not begin teaching the responsibility now? I want my daughter to be prepared for the years that lie ahead.

While I am airing my thoughts, I have one other thing to share that I haven't discussed yet. In another of Mackenzie's classrooms some politically slanted comments have been made that I do not appreciate. Mackenzie came home to tell me that "President Bush was the worse president ever". When I asked her why she felt that way, she didn't have an answer other than that is what her teacher told her. When I asked her why her teacher thought he was a bad president, she said that the teacher didn't say. I don't think it is a teacher's place to express their political or religious beliefs to students without at least sharing both sides to the argument. As a fourth grader, my daughter believes that teachers are always right and she doesn't completely comprehend the difference between a teacher's opinion and fact. Mackenzie took the statement that her teacher made as a fact, not the teacher's opinion. I wasn't there and I don't know exactly what was said, but from several things Mackenzie has told me throughout the year, I know this teachers political views and I know they have been filtered to Mackenzie. I believe she should be learning about government and politics from a bi-partisan viewpoint.

In conclusion, I do not want to point fingers or criticize. I do want to express what I see happening and how I feel about it. I don't think I am the only parent with these concerns or frustrations. When the community is standing at the polls, making a decision to vote for or against the levy, these are the things that affect that decision. I am concerned that as the public school system lowers expectations for students, those top students will move to private or home schools, starting a trend that will be the eventual downfall of the system. I am a product of Greenville City Schools and would like to continue to be proud of that. I want to see the school system succeed and improve. I would like be confident that my children will receive a quality education that challenges them and helps them grow and prepare for "the real world."

Thank you both for taking the time to address my concerns. I hope I haven't come across as "just complaining", but rather as trying to express some issues that I (and others) feel are important. Please feel free to contact me with any further concerns or questions.

Sincerely,
Tiffany Dxxxxx