Friday, October 17, 2008

Troubles On My Mind

You may have noticed that I haven't been keeping up on my posting as much as usual lately. I have been having some trouble concentrating lately. A few weeks ago my dad had some tightness is his chest. Because of the history of heart trouble on his side of the family, he thankfully got checked out right away. To make a long story short(er), the results of numerous tests determined that he has a bad heart valve and needs a single by-pass. He is scheduled for open heart surgery on Monday, October 27th at 7:15am.
Everyone assures us that this surgery is fairly routine (as far as heart surgery goes) and that he has everything going for him. I know they are right. He's fairly young (63) and in excellent shape. He lives on a small horse farm and is always working outside. When it's too cold to do too much outside, he runs two miles a day on the treadmill. Still, all that said, I'm beside myself with worry. Regardless of all the reassurances, I can't ignore the fact that they are going to crack open my dad's chest. The possibility that I could lose my dad, however small, grips my heart with fear.
I'm extremely close to my dad (to both my parents, actually) and we spend an enormous amount of time together. My dad owns a small insurance agency and I've worked there with him for the past eight years. My family lives next door to my parents. We all have horses and work in the barn, go riding and go camping together. We have dinners together. Many nights you can find us at my parent's house playing cards.
This whole thing has really made me think; What will I do without my dad? How will I go to the office everyday and not have him there? How will I go to the barn or go riding without him by my side? What has really hit me hard is the realization that even if all goes well, as expected, I'm going to have to face this stark reality at some point in the future. I've been blessed in my life and have not experienced much loss in my life. The closest relative I've ever lost was my grandfather when I was pretty young. How do you handle grief? It's my biggest fear in my life.
I'll end this with a request I'd don't usually make. Please take a moment out of your day on Oct 27th and pray for my family. Pray for my father. Pray for the surgeon who will hold my dad's life in his hands. Pray for my mom (who is a mess) and pray for me. My endless thanks and gratitude!!


Lauren said...

I feel your sadness. Don't despair. Send only positive feelings and love!

Lilly's Life said...

I can understand your fears Tiffany. The truly positive things are that your father is young and in excellent shape. I will certainly have you all in my thoughts over the next couple of weeks. Tell him how much you love him every day. Arent we lucky to have such good relationships with our parents and I really understand what you are going through - my dad was around the same age when he went in for similar surgery. And of course look who has just become a blogger. Take care.

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